The first cuddly toy is given to newborn babies and I know a lady in her eighties who still has her teddy bear (balding, tatty and missing an ear,) received on the day she arrived in the world.

Children usually have far too many cluttering up their beds, shelves and floorspace,and when you have a prune once in a while, will happily ditch those that aren’t absolute favourites, only to deliberately choose more when they peruse boot fairs or school fetes.

There is always a favourite though, and nobody in the family needs to ask as we all know the key cuddlies in each others lives.

To a child a cuddly toy becomes a friend, a hug, a recipient for anger, a sponge to soak up emotions, a guard and a comforter.

Older children still enjoy hugging the cuddly toy (in private at times of stress or misery) and like the comfort and familiarity of feeling there is a faithful unjudgmental friend (like a pet.)

For adults the toy has the comfort and familiarity of a childhood buddy and this becomes more valuable as the decades past.

Choosing a cuddly toy for a baby is a great privilege. Read more here.

One of the hardest things about being a single mother is the combination of being girlfriend to very single (no kids) partner and mother to 3 kids. I feel I have  a split personality when I make packed lunches and worry about children wearing their coats, and then act flirtatious and horny on a night out with Gary, all in the same day.

When I’m in mother mode, love and lust seem a million miles away but when I’m in passionate embrace mode, my mother genes don’t go, but they seem to hide, giving me the chance to be woman me as opposed to mother me.

Given a straight choice, obviously the mother me would be ‘it.’

Married people somehow combine the parenthood and sexual being thing which is very clever.

When you are single you come with kids, but they are your kids. You don’t necessarily want your man (not their father) to engage too much with them.

So you live life as a mother and a lover, almost separately.

No wonder you’re shattered.

Offer a prize if your children can go a week without asking you to buy them something.

Pretend that the stress of shopping makes you deaf.

Agree that they can only ask for the same thing three times. If they ask a fourth it means you will never ever get it for them. This has the effect of making sure each time is a really good, reasoned argument for the item in question and not just a whine.

Pester them back! ‘Oh pleeeeease pleeeeeeease buy me some chocolate with your pocket money! ‘

Start singing loudly or dancing every time they ask for something in public, the embarrassment shuts them up immediately.

Start a sticker chart and add one every time they pester you. Every time they reach five, they have to pay a penalty, for instance losing pocket money or doing chores.

If they are over 9 run away from them, down the supermarket aisles. When they find you again explain that this is what will happen every time they ask for something.

Have a pester list. Every time they want something they write it down on the list. Provided they have not whinged and whined for it (in which case it gets removed) the list is used by family and friends to choose Christmas and birthday presents.

MUM’S VERSION.

Keeps a perfectly clean and tidy home.

Has neat, pristine children.

Serves healthy nutritious meals daily.

Reads a story every night to each child.

Helps with homework.

Grows her own vegetables.

Has fresh flowers in the house daily.

Watches favourite television programmes with their children and does not switch to the news.

Sews, knits and cooks perfectly.

Attends every single school event, belongs to the PTA and becomes a parent governor.

CHILD’S VERSION

Lets me choose my own clothes and shoes, knows its going to cost a bit, and doesn’t moan or make me choose a cheap version.

Listens to every problem with friends or school and comes up with amazingly wonderful solutions .

Takes me to theme parks or fun fairs once a week.

Is generous with pocket money.

Likes it when I’m stuck in watching television or playing the computer

Is not at all nosy, unless I want her to be.

Always looks fashionable and attractive, especially with me, in public.

Knows the latest chart songs and bands but disaproves enough to keep them interesting.

Is happy to give me a lift anywhere I want to go, at any time of day or evening.

Can’t cook so relies on take-aways and fast food bars.

Trying to be a good Mum is a minefield of confusion. Conflicting advice is fired from ‘experts, ‘ parenting magazines and the Government daily. Basically this means that I am not doing things that I should be doing or doing it too much, being too soft or too strict, allowing my children too much freedom or not enough and so on.

The whole subject is one that everyone else seems to know so much about. The most annoying advice comes from those who don’t actually have children in the first place, so they can keep their idealized view of what they would do, without having lived on call 24/7 with little cash and children who have their own personalities (quite rightly) and won’t just fall in with my ideas.

Family life is about love, communication, negotiation, anger, dramas, laughter and fun so it will never fit into some kind of ideal childhood format. I just wish someone would write something in praise of Mums and Dads, most of whom are doing a great job in a crazy world, rather than taking yet another pop and firing another label at ‘single Mums’, ‘absentee Dads,’ ‘lazy,’ or ‘bad parents.’

We are advised to let our children have more freedom, while keeping them safely at home where we can keep an eye on them.

We are told to feed children healthily and encourage them to make healthy choices but there are still fizzy pop, chocolate machines and sweet selling tuck shops in schools. Manufacturers are allowed to duck and dive with the truth about the health and nutrition in their products and many schools still serve chips and breaded rubbish regularly. Even adults find it hard to resist temptation so why do we expect children to?

We are urged to spend more time with our children, while also being expected to work longer hours over seven days.

Most of us battle to instill a sense of self worth and pride in our children, whatever their skills and abilities, then we send them to school daily where they learn that only those who have the greatest academic skills and do best in tests, really matter.

We have an honest enough relationship to be able to teach our children sex education, but they know they can get advice and treatment without us knowing anything about it.

We seek to give our children the happiest possible childhood in a nation which created ASBOS to criminalise children, which preaches against binge drinking and then allows pubs and clubs to open all day and night; a nation that expects children to learn and be monitored from the age of 2; where the media message is that fame is everything and getting on a third rate, manipulative reality show is more important than earning an honest living doing something that you believe in; and where play comes second to achievement, road traffic, gadgets, designer labels and status toys created by the adult world.

21st Century Mum asks can someone please enlighten as to why you never ever see half dressed (undressed) men on the cover of gadget magazines? I can’t enlighten anyone but the whole topic depresses me. Just when I think equality is winning and sexist pigs are dead, something like this reminds me that I am living in la la land. Obviously the editors of these magazines think that gadgets will interest far more men than women, so they put images that they think will appeal to men on the front cover. The thing is women DO like gadgets but what woman wants to buy a mag with a half nude woman on the front? So woman don’t buy the magazine and the editors continue to think that women aren’t into gadgets. It’s just a shame that some of the men reading the magazine don’t ask for images that are a bit more relevant to the subject of the magazine, and why aren’t they annoyed that the editors are assuming that part of their brain is in their trousers?

I identified with this immediately although in my case it’s youngest son, Timmy. He will sit and watch a film with the family and get between 30 minutes to over an hour in before asking ‘What’s it about?’ If anyone risks starting to explain he continues with questions throughout the rest of it, completely ruining the viewing, so it’s best to answer ‘I don’t know.’ He alwasy gives us a pitying look as if to say ‘well why watch it if you don’t understand it?’ But he goes off and leaves us in peace.

The problem with tales whether from kids or well meaning (or even troublemaking) friends is that once they have told me I then have to take action or have a perfectly clear conscience when choosing not to take any action.

For example, one of the kids tells me the other has smashed a casserole dish. Well I’m not thrilled but accidents happen and I have my fair share, but if I am too casual when I say it doesn’t matter, does that then incite everyone in the household to be reckless with crockery? Will I have kids hurling plates merrily to each other across the kitchen with a ‘catch, Mum doesn’t mind’ CRASH! ‘Oops, oh well there’s three more in the cupboard,’ attitude for the rest of their childhood?

But, is it fair to respond when the news has come through a child telling tales rather than the culprit owning up? Especially as the tale was told almost immediately giving them no chance to wrestle with their conscience and do this. Will the casserole smasher feel that things are more unfair because I can’t say never mind at least you owned up, although I could say, well I know you would have owned up even though deep down I think they’d probably wrap it and pack it in a carrier and take it out to the dustbins and one day I’d be needing it and hunting the kitchen high and low and it would not turn up then, or ever and become one of life’s missing thing mystery’s. Whatever happens now I know I have to respond, and in a way which discourages both casserole smashing and tale telling. If nobody had told me, I wouldnt have the dilemma!

A friend keeps hinting she has some hot news about some mutual friends of ours, one of whom is having an affair with someone else we both know. She is desperate to engineer a moment away from kids and waggling ears so she can tell me and I am equally desperate not to know while at the same time being incredibly curious to know. The trouble is once I know I become a party to the information and then it is the conscience, action thing again. Would I want to know if it were me? How would i feel if I had a partner who was cheating and friends knew and never told me? All these questions spin around so if I don’t act I know I’ll be mortified with guilt and if I do act I could wreck their lives anyway. It’s far nicer to live in ignorant bliss with some unsatisfied curiousity than to cope with all this brain ache!

The trouble is once I know, I know and it can never be taken back and although I can pretend I don’t know, deep down I know, I know. Aaaaargh!

Hello Everybody,

Christmas is coming around yet again (as it does) and we knew you’d love to hear all about our year. (Even if you wouldn’t it’s tough, because we are sending this to acquaintances, ex-work colleagues, long lost relations, anyone who has ever known us for longer than a day)

Ben has done very well at school (he turned up every day.) He has been concentrating on his music (playing it loudly too late and too often) and we have great hopes that he will do something with it. (turn it down!)

Chloe won a prize for literature (well, for the best limerick in her class.) She has taken up acting and is extremely good. (Especially when pretending she’s ill every time she wants to skip school or get out of helping around the house.)

Timmy has achieved his five lengths at swimming and is very proud of this. (Throwing it into the conversation daily.) As ever, he is devoted to our wonderful (fat) Labrador Fubby and is very responsible in the way he cares for her. (Apart from letting her eat anything she fancies even if it was intended for the family meal.)

We have done home improvements (rearranged the furniture) so things are looking great in time for Christmas. The garden is lovely and a real haven of peace and tranquillity. (Somewhere to get away from the kids even although it’s a jungle.)

The office temp work i am still doing, ensures I am around for the kids after school and in the holidays. (Hugely annoying for Ben.) I am hoping to do an access course and start a degree before long. (Copied and pasted from last five annual round robins.)

Gary and I are still together (just) but don’t think it will be fair on the kids (he doesn’t want to commit) to live together. (Copied and pasted from last three round robins.)

Still we are all very happy (in an argumentative way,) and are looking forward to a lovely family Christmas. (Well at least one that does not involve Fubby or Timmy being sick, the ex-in-laws visiting more than once or one of the presents breaking on Christmas day.)

Wishing you all a very happy Christmas (and hoping your ’round robin’ can’t trump this!)

Debbie, Ben, Chloe, Sam and Fubby.