Trying to control the amount of chocolate children eat during the Easter Period is impossible. I buy them an egg each, and so does their father and Gary (boyfriend.) Then so do my parents, and my ex in-laws, both brothers (though it’s their wives that actually do it,) a couple of my friends,an old family friend and then one or two of their school friends.

It all amounts to a bucket-load of Easter eggs for each of them. I ration them but the sheer amount means chocolate treats for about six weeks or letting them go mad and eat them all in a week, so that we can get back to a reasonably healthy eating regime.

I try to stop them eating their way through their chocolate mountain too quickly while they try to negotiate for more and more.

We’re all relieved when the chocolate season is finally over!

Schools used to have four days off leading up to Good Friday, then the Easter Bank Holiday weekend followed by the Tuesday to Friday afterwards.

Now the children have Good Friday and Easter Monday off and return to school, only to have a fortnights holiday a fortnight later.

This means that they get two days extra holiday – great for them and their teachers but not so great for those of us who have to worry about childcare.

It means that schools have to field some of the Easter expectation excitement and the chocolate hyperactivity as they return after Easter Monday.

But the Easter holidays had activities and days out built around the Easter treat theme.   Now Easter will be over and done with and children will then have two weeks off to fill with no particular holiday aim or purpose and in weather that isn’t that great.

It could work out, or it could be an absolute pain.  I’ll keep you posted.

Despite the fact that trillions of people don’t receive Valentines cards, flowers or chocolates you can feel that you are the only single in a worldful of couples if you don’t receive one.  Well I haven’t – apart from the childrens and an e-card which looks suspiciously like it was sent by a friend or my mother!

Having fallen out with Gary a few weeks ago I am now single, but too busy and too hacked off to want to start a relationship with anyone else. Valentines day shouldn’t matter but when the world is full of hearts and flowers, colleagues and friends are discussing their evening plans – romantic dinners etc – and everyone asks everyone else if they got a card it is hard to be Valentine-less.

But maybe that’s more honest than all the cards, flowers and chocolates papering over the cracks of unfaithfulness, distrust and boredom which will reappear tomorrow when the day is done.

Valentines day has a fatal flaw…if love is true it manifests every day throughout the year. If it doesn’t then a day full of grand sentimental gestures really won’t make a jot of difference.

Leave newspapers and magazines with articles on Valentines day including the date and advertisements for Valentines gifts lying in places where your partner will see them.

Discuss Valentines day loudly with friends at work and make bets as to who will get the least, or most; every time anyone is around

Make a pact with a friend to send each other one just so you don’t face the cardless void of a doormat on the 14th.

Send your single friends one and add one for yourself.

Send a seductive poster of yourself (with your address on the bottom) to oil rigs or mens’ prisons.

Run a competition. The best Valentine card sent to this (your) address will win…. (one of your unwanted Christmas presents.)

Dress up in your most seductive outfit, do your hair and make up as though you were on the cat walk, and accidentally drop your business card everywhere you visit.

Start a chain Valentine threatening dire consequences for those that break the chain – make sure you work it so that you end up with 100′s.

Serve tea or volunteer behind the bar at places where elderly men hang out such as bowls clubs, working mens clubs or residential homes. Let them know you’re single, and find them very attractive and mention your address. (for example, “yes we don’t get such good looking men in Priory Street. Ive lived at number fourteen for ten years and never seen anyone that’s a patch on you.”) Emphasise the street name and number!

Flirt with nerds.

Know that the one you get made of coloured tissue and paper doily will be your all time favourite, because it is ‘to Mum, Happy Valentines Day, lots of love…”

May the great turkey of joy land on your table. A very Merry Christmas to you and yours!

A great video about pets anticipating Christmas. Enjoy!

Tried this once but the kids said “what’s coal ?” with that disparaging ‘Mum’s so old fashioned’ look on their faces. Next time I said it would be a sack full of pine cones but they pointed out that they’re out of season. After saying it would be a sack full of snow and getting a cheerful “yay,” I gave up. Now I just threaten to stay up partying all night so he can’t find a moment to sneak in and deliver the presents,(realistic and it works a treat!”)

I love glitter too. In fact one year (on an old car) I put glue on the bonnet the boot and the roof and then sprinkled silver glitter on it. Admittedly I had had a drink or two and was inspired by the beauty of a frosty night!!

Hello Everybody,

Christmas is coming around yet again (as it does) and we knew you’d love to hear all about our year. (Even if you wouldn’t it’s tough, because we are sending this to acquaintances, ex-work colleagues, long lost relations, anyone who has ever known us for longer than a day)

Ben has done very well at school (he turned up every day.) He has been concentrating on his music (playing it loudly too late and too often) and we have great hopes that he will do something with it. (turn it down!)

Chloe won a prize for literature (well, for the best limerick in her class.) She has taken up acting and is extremely good. (Especially when pretending she’s ill every time she wants to skip school or get out of helping around the house.)

Timmy has achieved his five lengths at swimming and is very proud of this. (Throwing it into the conversation daily.) As ever, he is devoted to our wonderful (fat) Labrador Fubby and is very responsible in the way he cares for her. (Apart from letting her eat anything she fancies even if it was intended for the family meal.)

We have done home improvements (rearranged the furniture) so things are looking great in time for Christmas. The garden is lovely and a real haven of peace and tranquillity. (Somewhere to get away from the kids even although it’s a jungle.)

The office temp work i am still doing, ensures I am around for the kids after school and in the holidays. (Hugely annoying for Ben.) I am hoping to do an access course and start a degree before long. (Copied and pasted from last five annual round robins.)

Gary and I are still together (just) but don’t think it will be fair on the kids (he doesn’t want to commit) to live together. (Copied and pasted from last three round robins.)

Still we are all very happy (in an argumentative way,) and are looking forward to a lovely family Christmas. (Well at least one that does not involve Fubby or Timmy being sick, the ex-in-laws visiting more than once or one of the presents breaking on Christmas day.)

Wishing you all a very happy Christmas (and hoping your ’round robin’ can’t trump this!)

Debbie, Ben, Chloe, Sam and Fubby.

I HATE getting Christmas cards from comanies.  I know I sound like Scrooge but I absolutely HATE it.  Way back when, it was first done an old fashioned company thought it would be a nice gesture to acknowledge the business from their customers.  This was because they knew all their customers by name and sight so it was a nice gesture.

Now it is a cheesy, insincere, ‘please keep giving us your business gesture’ by companies that would not recognise you  or know your name if you turned up stark naked wrapped in tinsels singing ‘Jingle Bells, every day until Christmas.

The cards are always glossy and expensive and I wish they would save the money and knock it off my bill.

Occasionally the signatures are printed photocopies or a printed ‘from all at…..’  Why would all at.’…….’ ever think that a card from them would make any difference to me.

Are there people out there who send a card back from ‘your grateful double glazing customer Mr Bloggs’ or ‘your newly divorced client, Mrs Bloggs?’

Christmas has enough insincerity and cheese without receiving cards from a company of strangers.