Family photo albums, adverisements with rosy happy children and playground conversation with friends never touch on this reality – the grotty side of children.

 

 

Wiping saucy or snotty fingers on wallpapered walls.

Those mysterious stains are best avoided

Bottom scratching.

Often when nervous which explains why they always do it in front of special guests, work colleagues or in formal public places, like museums.

 

Chewing food and talking or just chomping with a wide open mouth.

How many times do I have to remind them….?

Nose picking.

Alone or in public. Worse when snotty.

Drinking straight from juice or milk bottles in the fridge.

So there is that slight feeling of unease when pouring milk for friends or guests unless the bottle is newly opened.

Picking their scabs.

…and eating them.

Dirty smelly underwear .

Hidden under the bed, the mattress or found by the dog.

Farting.

Silently with the most awful smell and loud arguments that it wasn’t them or loudly (equally smelly, )accompanied by fits of the giggles.

Burping.

On purpose, repeatedly after fizzy drinks, competing with each other for the loudest.

Wiping their mouths after a meal.

On the clean teatowel which you discover when drying glasses and finding them smeared with baked bean sauce.